"Rick, you never finish anything you start." Rick told me later that this comment from his wife temporarily crushed him. But it also opened his eyes. He couldn't deny it - she was right.

And he'd never even realized there was a problem.

Thinking back over the years, a pattern came into focus for him. He saw the long trail of abandoned projects littering his life, and at that moment, he came face to face with one unavoidable fact - Ellen was right; he DIDN'T finish things. Strange: she could see it easily, but he never had until she pointed it out.

One reason he couldn't see the pattern was that he always seemed to have a good reason for his quitting, and that's where his thoughts were focused, on the reason rather than the results.

Sometimes it would be a matter of needing more information before he could proceed, but he never seemed to follow up strongly enough to find the right information. It never seemed to materialize. Other times his interests would shift to some new activity. Still others, he'd have to stop because the whole project had turned out to be more complex than he'd expected. Always, there was a reason.

But whatever his reason, the result was the same. Rick saw that what he'd thought were good reasons were really just excuses, but he hadn't even been aware of it.

And the result was a total lack of follow-through.

POINT 1: Promises are easy to make if you don't have to keep them.

Setting goals and making resolutions are easy. Anybody can do that (and we do, all the time). But the little matter of keeping those resolutions and accomplishing those goals - now that's something else altogether.

So why do we set goals?

We're optimists, most of us, right? We always believe that this time it'll be different. This time I've got the determination. This time I really, REALLY want what I've written on my list, and I'm really, REALLY going to stick with it and get it done.

This time I'm really, REALLY going to:

• lose that weight
• work out on schedule
• run every day
• earn that promotion
• start that business
• be patient with the kids
• do my inner work regularly

Besides, maybe something wildly random will happen, and I'll catch a lucky break this time.

POINT 2: How many goals would you set if you HAD to stick to them?

Most of the things on our goals list are "that'd be nice to have" type goals. But they're not "man, I am aching to have that, and I'll do whatever it takes to get it" type goals.

In other words, on a scale of 1 to 10, a lot of our goals are 2s, 3s and 4s.

They're things we see and think, "Hey, that'd be a nice little extra, so maybe I'll just toss that onto my goals list; who knows - I might luck out and get it."

Most of our goals are not goals at all. They're idle wishes. And of course you're not going to bust your gut going after luke-warm wishes.

A bit later we'll come back to this point with a strategy for culling out the weak wishes.

But first, it's important to realize that there are a number of different reasons why we don't follow through on our projects.

First, a goal may not be very important to us, and if it's not, we won't invest much time, energy or attention in achieving it.

Second, we may have a bad habit, like Rick, whose attention wandered too easily from one project to the next. He would get so caught up in his ideas that he simply jumped from one to the next and never even realized what he was doing.

Third, we can have off-limits areas that are too painful to deal with. If this is the case, it can make us shy away from certain areas of our life, and keep us doing it for years.

What if you have something like "Enough money to feed my family" on your goals list, but it's not happening, and your family is hungry?

How is it that a do-or-die issue like this can't quite light your fire? It may be because it's one of these off-limits issues. We'll get back to off-limits issues a bit later.

For now, however, we need to take a closer look at our specific goals.

STEP ONE: Know which problem your goal is intended to solve.

I spent several years as a camera repairman, doing close, meticulous work on small and delicate mechanical systems

Doing that kind of work taught me something priceless - how to quickly identify a problem within a complex system and select the most appropriate approach for correcting it. I absorbed a mindset that automatically looks for what is working and separating it out from what isn't, and I use that same skill to this day.

If someone brought me a camera and said, "The pictures are not sharp," I'd try to find out from them if they meant out of focus, or blurred from camera movement, or distorted because of massive under (or over) exposure.

Likewise, when you say, "I'm not good at earning money," it's time to figure out exactly what "not good" means to you. You need to describe the problem in the most exact, clear, concrete terms possible.

"Not good at earning money" might mean you can't ever earn more than $250,000 a year, or it could mean you hide in the pantry and you've never earned a penny in your life.

It might mean you're always excited when starting a new job, but after three months you cool off and can't get along with the boss any longer.

It could mean a lot of things. So you need to write out specifically and exactly what your situation is. Describe your pattern. One way to see your own pattern more clearly is to imagine it's the person next door. If it were her situation, how would you describe it?

In the meantime, you may be wondering "Why should I write all this stuff out? I already know it much too well."

Actually, you may not know it as well as you think. Remember, Jack didn't know he had a problem finishing things.

What we're doing here is seeking your blind spots so we can learn to see through them.

Psychology tells us that our mental blocks are totally invisible - but only to ourselves. Everybody else can see your blind spots plain as day.

With that in mind, you might even want to write down the last 15 critical things others have said about you. It's not fun to do this, and it's even less fun to consider that perhaps - just maybe - there was a shred of truth to those criticisms.

But we're trying to find stuff that's standing in the way of our effectiveness. And as painful as it may be, the things others dump on us may just possibly have a shred of a hint of a bit of truth within them. Why? Because almost always they can see us more plainly than we can see ourselves.

Here's another way to find our blocked areas. The last time you tried to go for a goal and didn't make it - at what point did you stall out and retreat?

That's the point where you found something you were not willing to do. It may have roused deep irritation within you, or massive depression, or you just got too sleepy for words and dozed off for hours at a time, till the danger of achievement was past.

It doesn't matter so much what avoidance strategy you used. We just want to learn how to recognize it when it comes. And we also need to know the kind of situations that trigger you to give up and turn back.

You're looking for three things.
First, what kind of things stop you?
Second, what strategy (or feeling) do you use to avoid going forward?
Third, what are you frequently criticized for?

Robert Burns, the poet, wrote

"Would some power the gift give us to see ourselves as others see us."

And that's what we're working toward. We're seeking out our blind spots. Of course, a much quicker way would be to go and ask all your friends to tell you all the strange, quirky, oddball and weird things they've ever noticed about you.

But a friend won't do that (unless you can get them really hacked off at you).

So in this case, you'll have to serve as your own best friend. Just keep digging. It's not the easiest work you'll ever do, but it can, if you do it right, open up vast areas for freer, more expansive living.

STEP TWO: Rate everything on your goals list.

You'll find you have four categories of goals.

1. things you'd walk through fire to get (there'll be VERY few of these)
2. things you'd truly love to have
3. things that'd be nice, but you could easily do without
4. things you wonder why you ever put on your list in the first place

In addition, there's one other category that probably won't ever make it onto your goals list. If you have cravings toward greater satisfaction in your off-limits areas, you probably won't even think to write them down. Such cravings usually manifest as sad, empty feelings about the thing that's off-limits.

Take Susan, for example.

Susan was about 12 and just blossoming into a lovely pre-teenager when she tried wearing make-up for the first time in public. One of her aunts saw her and asked, sarcastically, "What are YOU trying to do, Susie, look pretty?"

She never dared let herself try to feel pretty again. In fact, when I knew her, she spent a great deal of energy keeping herself as far as possible from feeling attractive. She had a wonderful personality, a great sense of humor, and the most beautiful eyes. And even though she was slim, Susan always felt fat because she'd been a bit overweight in childhood. She was locked in to that image of herself, and no amount of logic could dissuade her.

Being pretty was off-limits for her.

So Susan would be very unlikely to write "feel pretty" on her goals list, no matter how deeply her soul craves it. That's just too painful for her to face directly, so she just somehow never thinks of that as an available goal.

But these buried goals ARE goals, just the same, and we need to keep in mind that these are major motivation points within us. It's profitable to spend time searching out our blind spots and the places where we give up and turn away from our goals. It's these places that represent potential breakthrough points for us.

If you can identify any of these places, by all means, write them down on your list.

Now, getting back to our four categories, those things that fall into class one - the things you'd walk through fire to get - you don't really need much help reaching them. You know specifically what you want, and you're already highly motivated, so you're virtually assured of getting there.

Of course, you'll put this item on your list. However, if you don't have a "walk-through-fire" type of goal, don't worry about it. There's a whole world of other things out there for you.

Let's take a look at the other three categories.

Starting from the bottom, scratch off anything at level four. If it means nothing to you, don't waste another second on it.

For the items in category three, you'll be nearly indifferent to some of them, but more enthusiastic about others. Scratch off the indifferent items.

The object of a goals list is not to be long - it's not to use a lot of paper. It's to identify the things that are significant to you, and to direct your energies toward those items. Only those items. Why waste your time and energy trying to achieve something that's essentially meaningless? Go for the good stuff.

Putting unnecessary things on your goals list is like packing your parka and thermal underwear for a Bahamas vacation. They'll just weigh you down unnecessarily.

Now you've narrowed down your goals to the things that are meaningful, and you're ready to concentrate on just the stuff that's important to you.

This gives us focus so we're not wasting time on things we don't really want.

STEP THREE: What'll you get out of it?

The reason we strive to achieve our goals is that we're going to get some kind of emotional payoff.

If you work hard to earn a half million Euros this year, it's nice that you'll be able to vacation on the Riviera, live in an exclusive penthouse, and keep your mother, wife, children and entire family in luxury. Yes, that's nice. But the real payoff is the feeling you get when you do all that.

It's not technically the money. You don't go to all that work and effort just to see a column of figures in your bankbook, or to handle some sheets of colored paper. That money is nothing but a symbol for what you really want. And what you really want is always some kind of emotional feeling.

For example, you may enjoy the respect you get from business associates. And the enthusiastic service you receive in restaurants and hotels. And you may like basking in the admiration of your uncles and aunts.

So be aware that behind every goal on your list is a feeling that you're seeking to experience.

And that's what you do next. Go through your list, check each item and write down what it symbolizes to you. When you finally get that 20-room mansion overlooking the sea, how will you feel?

That feeling is your real goal.

You need to know this, because you won't work for a symbol of your goal (the house). You'll only put out real effort for the goal itself - for the feeling you'll get.

 

STEP FOUR: Look for "Keep Off the Grass" signs.

I've already mentioned off-limits areas. They're the places we've been so emotionally imprinted that we can't go back for any reason.

Earlier you read Susan's story. A cruel remark by an aunt convinced her that being pretty was forever forbidden to her.

Jack was 14, and nearing the end of eighth grade when he got in a paperwad fight with Eddie, the class clown, sitting across the room. Minor stuff.

But then the teacher turned her back to write something on the board, and Eddie the clown stood up and heaved a huge 6-sheet paperwad at Jack. That wad hit a closet door and rattled it. The teacher turned around and, seeing the paperwad stuck to the door right beside Jack's head. Guess who she kicked out of class - right. She sent Jack home right on the spot.

Jack walked the three miles home and cried quietly almost the entire way. He said he had only one thought, which kept repeating over and over: "I'm worse than Eddie. She sent me home and not him. I'm worse than Eddie." Jack's world shifted that day.

Previously a solid B student, Jack never did well in school again. After all, he now knew he was "worse than Eddie," the class clown.

What things have been put out of bounds for you?

If you think you don't have any, think again. Pull out your last year's goals list and find the things you didn't achieve. Some of them are luke-warm wishes, so you can just cross them off.

But others are things you truly do want, and yet you didn't manage to achieve them.

• that increase in income
• that vacation you haven't taken in 9 years
• that reconciliation with your parents or children
• that new house you've dreamed of for years
• that love of your life that has never appeared

These may well be off-limits areas of your life, put there by a casually cruel remark of a neighbor, a childhood friend, or a schoolyard bully.

In any case, the decision to give up hope in that area of your life was made by a very young, inexperienced child who was hurting.

Of course it's not logical to let a frightened child make lifetime decisions that shape your entire future - no, not logical, but it happens all the time.

Little Liz was excited about starting Kindergarten.

On the first day, the teacher asked, "But Liz is not your real name, is it? It's just a nickname for Elizabeth, isn't it?"

Now, "Liz" WAS her real name, but she was too ashamed to admit it. After all, the teacher obviously knew something was wrong with her. Liz so totally accepted this suggestion that still, 40 years later, she will not admit to her real name, except when it's for a legal document.

In the last lesson, I said we'd be taking a look at how to apply the self-help techniques you've learned over the years.

I'm not a hardcore technique fan. Just about any one of the many techniques will work for you. They're all capable of doing some powerful things.

But only:

Only if you'll use them consistently and appropriately.

Consistently and appropriately? What the heck does that mean, Burke?

It means that you can take a good and powerful technique, work with it every day, and still not get results because you're leaving something out.

For example, what would you think of a painter who stands at the canvas for hours every day, dabbing away with his brushes, but the canvas remains blank, day after week after year.

He's working hard - to all appearances - but there's one thing wrong. No results.

He dabs and brushes and strokes, but nothing shows up on the canvas. If you saw that happening, you'd immediately know he wasn't using any paint, right? He's using his tools consistently, but not appropriately.

Contrariwise, if a painter mixes a beautiful pallet of colors, makes a strong beginning, but then leaves for coffee and doesn't come back for three months, what's missing? Consistency.

So these are the basics:

1. Do your work regularly, and
2. Don't leave out any important parts.

The regular schedule - that's easy to check. Either you're doing it every day or you're not. But what about the missing parts?

As we've already seen, that can take a little longer to spot.

Jack didn't realize he was leaving so many things unfinished. It took a remark by his wife, who COULD see his pattern, before Jack became aware of it.

STEP FIVE: Combine these tools into a strategy.

So far we've identified:

1. the goals that are truly important to us
2. the underlying emotional reasons we want those goals
3. the places where our motivation consistently breaks down
4. some of our off-limits or blind areas

Now what do we do with all this information?

First, your goals list now contains only things that are the most meaningful to you.

Second, you know exactly WHY you want those particular goals.

Third, you know where your goal-seeking process has failed in the past.

And fourth, you're beginning to get a feel for the areas of your mind that whisper, "Nope, you can't have that - you're not good enough."

So now, when you sit down to do your inner work, whatever technique you use, you won't be nearly as intimidated by past "failures." You'll know exactly where the stumble zones are, and you can be ready to handle them easily.

What's the best way to get past these stumble zones?

Simple, really. When you see a problem looming before you, either in "real life" or in your imagination, do this.

Imagine you're already past the obstacle, and that it isn't an obstacle any longer. In your imagination, you already have that goal. You're enjoying the emotional payoff from that goal, enjoying the great feeling, and it's just as great as you expected. The stumble zone is far behind you - so far behind it's no longer important. In fact, it's trivial now and hardly worth thinking about.

The more time you spend imagining your goals in this way, the sooner they will find their way to you.

You see, all things in this universe are connected, and if you think excessively about problems, you draw them to you, making them larger in your life. But if you invest large amounts of your mental energy in imagining a wonderful result, well that's what you'll find coming into your life.

Because, you see, what you desire is seeking you - right now.

So by all means, find all those problems, and off-limit areas. Once you identify them, they can't ever sneak up on you or catch you off guard again.

Then, to remove the power from those problems, just aggressively imagine them in the past.

After all, how much trouble can a roadblock give you after it's behind you?

And that's the simple little secret of getting past the off-limits blocks in your mind.

 

---

Next, go watch "Beyond Luck," the 21-video series plus 3 special reports at BeyondLuck.com.

 

Average: Select ratingCancel ratingPoorOkayGoodGreatAwesomeGive it 6/10Give it 7/10Give it 8/10Give it 9/10Give it 10/10

Your rating: None Average: 6.8 (5 votes)